Hard To Keep Up

Can I be honest with you guys?  I've had a rough week.  I feel like a black cloud has moved in and hangs right above my head.  I am in such a deep, depressed state as of late.  I am so numb.  I feel hollow.  Oh how I wish I could convey what I am feeling.  I look at the clock and can't believe I've wasted away the day.  Honestly if I had to recall what I did today, I don't think I'd even be able to.  Let's see.  I woke up at 9:00, not bad, but I went to sleep at 10:30 last night.  And I hated having to actually get out of bed.  I made my husband get up and feed the kids, and so he did that while I laid in bed delaying getting up.  Then I padded my way into the kitchen stepping over all the clutter strewn across the house.  Fixed myself a bowl of cereal.  Then I sat on the couch and got on the laptop.  Then my son begged me to help him build something with Legos, so I helped him for about 20 minutes.  After that... I can't remember.  Probably back on the laptop.  Then it was lunchtime, but I don't make lunch, my husband does.  So what was I doing during that time... I can't remember.  I do know after lunch I was listing some things for sale on craigslist because we are so broke it's come down to selling everything that's not nailed down.  So then, let's see.  My husband left for work early, about 2:30?  I made him a new poster while he was in the shower.  He has to hold up signs for traffic to try to attract customers because his income has decreased 60% the past few months.  So after he left for work, I tried to convince my daughter to go back over to the neighbors so I could have the house to myself.  Got back on the laptop.  And then it was 4:00.  And then it was nearly 5:00.  So I looked up a recipe for flour tortillas.  They turned out awful.  So I made taco meat, and it was too greasy.  I shredded a block of cheddar and scraped my knuckles up.  I slapped the awful tortilla, greasy meat, and shredded cheese on four dinner plates and topped them off with sour cream. The kids came back so I had them sit down to eat and all of them took one look at dinner and complained.  My husband cooks every night.  When he goes to work early, the most I ever attempt is spaghetti.  I made mashed potatoes a year and a half ago and it seriously turned out like clay.  That day, my daughter built a volcano out of mashed potatoes and squirted ketchup like lava.  Everyone laughed so hard.  Including me, so I could lie and say my tears were from laughing.  I would have ordered a pizza tonight, but we don't have the money.  After dinner I laid on the couch while the neighbor kid came over so now all the kids were at my house.  So then my son came in and announced he was done playing with the others. He asked to play a game, so I managed to play a game of Scrabble with him.  He leaves in two days to go for a weeklong visit back to Grandma's, who raised him.  He is seven and doesn't know many words to play Scrabble.  That's ok because I can only come up with three and four letter words.  I did have one 5-letter word but that was because it was a 4-letter word with an 'S' at the end to make it plural.

I haven't really been making any projects.  They all take too much effort.  The ones that I did the past week really wore me down, I can't begin to explain what I went through to make the fabric box and the mod podge/stained glass candle holder.  I don't really remember anything else I've done this week.  But for the current projects, I just feel so weighed down by the effort it will take to do any of them.  I don't want to rip up all those pallets and figure out what boards are usable and which aren't.  I don't want to wrap yarn around letters.  Even though I do like the color of yarn I got, I still have to draw and cut out the cardboard so I can form the letters.  I'd like to do some mason jar crafts and my husband is saving all these jars for me, but I just can't get myself going.

I'm certainly not sticking to the whole one-project-a-day idea.  I feel defeated about that.  I know I shouldn't feel that way, that it's "unrealistic" to expect to be able to do one project every day, and that some projects obviously will take more than one day, but I'm having a hard time convincing myself.